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Pansy or Flower Child?

 tags: Red Hot Gray Areas

There must be one of those giant German compound words for the feeling you get when you learn that your masseur (who has a rainbow flag on his refrigerator, and who welcomes you with very warm and long hugs, and who doesn't require any draping during your massage, and who works his way all the way up your inner thighs as he explains that today the therapy will be releasing some deeply-rooted sexual issues, and who reminisces about the men-only retreats he enjoys) isn't in fact gay at all but merely maintains the philosophy of the 1960s.  (This actually happened back in the early 1990s, when rainbow flags weren't so well-known in the straight world and served more as a secret code for mostly-closeted gays to identify one another.)

It's All In How You Frame the Story

 tags: Red Hot Gray Areas

Consider the action below.  The next day, the guy could say, "A man came to my bed last night and boned me over and over."  It can be great fun to tell the truth but in the sexiest way possible.  Our illustration is from The Boyd Smith Mother Goose, 1920.

The Secret Sexual Meaning of the Number 67 on T-Shirts

 tags: Fashion, Red Hot Gray Areas

Guys who wear shirts emblazoned with "67" are sending secret, sexual messages to those in the know.  You might have already guessed the meaning -- the number 67 is two less than 69, implying that "It takes two to make a 69."  In other words, 67 plus two (as in two men) makes 69 (as in two men sucking each other off simultaneously).  So we're always "67ing" when we're not 69ing.  A shirt with 67 is saying, "I'm not 69ing right now because I need someone else's dick.  Two cocksuckers are required to go from 67 to 69.  Are you willing to make it all add up?"

Gay Codes in Art

 tags: Red Hot Gray Areas

When you feel a hunch that an artist is gay, it's fun to look more closely for clues that he has left behind for his viewers who share his desires.  For example, here's some art with coded homosexuality from a vintage family magazine, The Saturday Evening Post, 1917.  The clueless hetero eye was likely to miss that the basket of flowers at the young men's feet suggests "pansies," code for effeminate homosexuals.  The man on the left holds a watering can, symbolic of watersports and showing that he is a piss top.  (The can is pointing away from the other two, meaning that he hasn't pissed on them yet but wishes to.)  The man in the middle holds a short stick, indicating that he is an anal top.  (His ass faces us so that we can read the symbolism like a sentence: ass + stick = anal poking.)  He wears high wader-type boots, showing that he goes deep.  Note that the two top men have their hats on.  The young man on the right has removed his hat, symbolizing his desire to reveal himself, to be stripped, to be taken.  He holds his hat at crotch level, clearly symbolizing that he is a bottom.  (A hat up top = a top man; a hat held lower = a bottom.)  All three men are rosy-cheeked, not from shy blushing but red-blooded readiness.

How One Person Can Change Global Sex Statistics

 tags: It Takes a Man, Red Hot Gray Areas

Is it truly possible for just one man to alter the sex statistics for 7 billion people?  The long and short of it is: yes.  People are set in their ways -- you know from your own experiences that most everybody operates out of habit and routine -- and that's your opening for making a real difference by taking your own comfort zone and expanding its horizons.  Don't be daunted by the fact that the nation of Japan holds every record for jerking off due to the fact that Japanese men are perpetually horny compulsive masturbators.  The solution is simple: make every single thing you do a sex act, so as to blow all other statistics out of the water.  For example:

At the bar:

If you're actually not a drinker, all the better because you can order a "virgin" (non-alcoholic) version of a drink and then take its virginity as you perform orally upon it.  Remember that your brain is your biggest sex organ, so things are only as nasty as you think them.  If you do imbibe alcohol, be sure to order only mixed drinks with the sexiest names, like "Screaming Orgasm," "Wallbanger," "Sex on the Beach," "Red-Headed Slut," "Full Monty," or "Ménage à Trois."  Always stealthy touch yourself while taking each sip.  When you finish, a satisfied exclamation of "Fuck!" is appropriate.

While in the toilet:

When you're doing something as ordinary as taking a piss, mutter to the toilet, "Guzzle that piss, you fucking toilet.  You like that, don't you?"  Stroke your shaft a bit while you do it.  And voila, you've transformed a mundane act of relieving yourself into kinky men's room action.

Between meals:

If you develop a taste for lollipops, your every go at the sucker is a practice session for oral sex.  Take your lollipops with you to enjoy them in public and remind everyone around you about cocksucking.  For the health conscious, there are organic and sugar-free suckers on the market, but we follow the philosophy of John Waters (known as "The People's Pervert"): feel guilty about it and it'll be that much hotter.

While washing hands:

As you squirt out some pearly hand soap from a dispenser, mutter, "Shoot that load."

In bed:

Sleep snuggled against one of those great big body pillows so as to foster wet dreams.

During alone time:

A man is never truly alone if his dick is hanging out.  When you're by yourself, for goodness' sake let your cock breathe.  The rule of thumb is to keep one hand on your cock at all times, so practice using the computer one-handed.  You do not have to have an erection for your self-fondling to count as masturbation.  There's no one right or wrong state of arousal, since the penis has its own cycles of excitement and restfulness.  A lot of guys enjoy fondling their balls while their cocks relax, and that counts as masturbation, too.

When you can't touch yourself:

Just because you can't touch yourself in certain public situations doesn't mean that you can't be wearing a vibrating butt plug.  They come in all sizes, and many have an easy to insert tip, like this silicone one

Every sex act that you incorporate into your daily life affects the world statistics.  When you perform sex acts by the hour, by the day, by the week ... you start making a real difference.  Even just one person can profoundly alter the erotic landscape, and that one person can be you, starting this very moment.  Is that cock out?  Let's do this -- together.