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While My Family is at Church

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Michael Ian Black, Red Hot Gray Areas

While my family is at church I'm going to do my bit by masturbating to crucifixion porn.
—the irreverent Michael Ian Black

We previously noted Michael Ian Black's gossip about his kissing scene with Bradley Cooper in the film Wet Hot American Summer.  Black had noted, "Bradley Cooper just said I am his favorite on-screen kiss. That wasn't kissing; it was lovemaking."  When asked what Bradley Cooper's mouth tastes like ("Carrots? Chiclets? Candied yams?"), Black responded "A lot like my dick, actually."

Tenderly Through the Hole

 tags: Red Hot Gray Areas

"If you really want to fuck with someone's participation in the spiritual universe, lure that someone's face down to the gloryhole through which they have just stuck their cock, and then when you have their face there, accessible, kiss them tenderly through the hole." —William Keckler

What's the Best Thing About Growing Up With a Close Brother?

 tags: Polls, Red Hot Gray Areas

What's the best thing about growing up with a close brother?
  • sharing secrets

  • sniffing his cumrag/dirty underwear

  • showering together

  • naked wrestling/horseplay

  • snuggling by the fireplace or while watching movies

  • asking to be j/o buddies and answering "fuck yeah!"

  • cumshot competitions

  • holding his cock as you piss together

  • learning about oral sex together

  • the first taste of his jizz

  • practicing anal sex together

  • the first taste of his asshole

  • deep kissing

How Is It Possible For a Man to Rent Out His Anal Passage?

 tags: Humor, Red Hot Gray Areas

This question from the bonus interviews of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle would seem to have an easy answer: The way it's possible for a man to rent out his anal passage is to go down to the docks with a sign that says "Get it here."  But the context of this question is more complicated than that, as it refers to a sketch about a man whose financial situation requires him to rent out his anal passage as an actual living space for a family of three.

Was This Homophobia or a Weird Sort of Flirting?

 tags: Red Hot Gray Areas

What do you make of this experience?  A friend writes about a weird public comment from a stranger:

A stranger made a comment in my presence today that I'm 100% positive was for the benefit of me and my boyfriend, but which I can't quite figure out.  I think the guy was about 17 years old, with his parents and two young siblings, exiting the restaurant we were walking toward.  The restaurant is on a pier, and my boyfriend and I were walking single file down the boardwalk as this guy's family was walking past in the other direction.  Precisely as we pass this guy, we hear him do one of those snarky fake cough/sneezes in which one masks a word.  Now, had he said something homophobic, like "faggot" or "cocksucker" or "gaylord," I'd have been offended (to the degree that one can even be offended by a bigoted idiot of the general public, whose simplemindedness can at best be pitied if one can even muster up that much compassion for pieces of shit), but though offended I'd at least have understood the scenario.  It would have been a case of a homophobe (uncomfortable with his own innate homosexuality, of course) seeing two obviously gay studs going out to a romantic dinner together and feeling jealous that he isn't going to be a part of the post-dinner raw gay fuckfest that is sure to happen for the entire rest of the evening until ambulances arrive to replenish our severely dehydrated bodies after so many body fluids have been expended.  But the comment he made wasn't quite that homophobic, leaving me really puzzled.  The word he said was, "blowjob."  So many questions arise. Why did he say "blowjob" in the presence of his parents and two kid siblings?  Why did he say "blowjob" to us?  Sure, it was accurate: seriously, I had already experienced mouth sex three times before dinner, so no doubt our auras were screaming "blowjob."  My boyfriend's lips were no doubt red and puffy, and though his breath surely smelled evidentiary, the sea breeze would have been dissipative.  Was the guy trying to communicate that he'd give us blowjobs?  But surely not -- though we may not technically look as old as we occasionally feel, a 17-year-old -- even if he's a rampant homo himself -- shouldn't have even given us the time of day unless (unlikely) he's into "men-over-30" action.  So anyway, I don't think "blowjob" is as offensive as "faggot" (indeed, blowjobs are gorgeous), and I don't think he was offering us one, and there was no likely member of his party he should have been saying that word to.  If the sentiment was, "Oh, look, some fellow gays are out and about," then why snarkily say, "blowjob"?  So it didn't feel like a compliment or camaraderie.  But if he was trying to be cruel, why not use a truly offensive word?  Note that my boyfriend and I were just minding our own business, not holding hands, and in fact we weren't even walking side by side, due to the narrowness of the boardwalk.  We weren't wearing a "Spitters are Quitters" t-shirt.  Who knows -- and I was too focused on getting to dinner to stop and confront the guy.  If only one's wit were quicker -- it just now occurs to me that this was a classic opportunity to say, "I gave at the office."  ;-)

A fellow cum-brother Jeremy offers his perspective:

Young men are finely tuned antennae of sexual energy. I would venture that the young man thought he was being sly in picking up on something that was obvious to him. Had you laughed or proclaimed "YUP!", he would have smiled and been proud of himself for having his guess confirmed. I recall when I went to a wedding in 2000 and stayed in this small hotel. I went with my friend and we were in a room on the bottom floor of the hotel where it was two floors. Outside of our room, it opened up to the upstairs so that the hallway in front of the 2nd floor rooms had a railing that looked down to the first floor. It was early in the evening and we heard the noise of all these kids like school just let out. It was a high school trip of some sort and they had all just checked in. When I opened my door, I looked out and up and my eyes caught the stare of this hot, young man at the upstairs railing. He looked directly at me and with a steely gaze just grabbed his crotch. I didn't interpret an insult like "you want my dick faggot?" It was more like "you want to suck this cock, don't you?", almost like an invitation from a seasoned rentboy. I just remember the blood rushing to my face, a hard gulp and retreating back into our room. Young men love their cocks and the promise of a blowjob so, I think they throw out that energy whenever they can.