tags: Hairy Men
The over-the-top homoeroticism in the classic comedy Sailor Beware verges on unbelievable. Before we get to the multiple hairy-chest rubs, consider:
In the opening moments of the film, the very first appearance of Jerry Lewis has him spraying the back of his throat repeatedly, next to a poster that says "The NAVY builds MEN":
Jerry's character is allergic to women, you see. He explains:" I can't even get close to a girl -- I'm allergic to face powder, perfume and lipstick. If I get too close to a girl, my uvula becomes edematous, which means inflamed, and if it becomes inflamed it swells up and I can't breathe. And if I can't breathe, that could become fatal." And since he can't kiss girls for his very life, he propositions Dean Martin in the first scene: "You want I should change places with her?"
Jerry's gay adventures in the Navy find him on all fours before two officers with billy clubs, one club pointing at his ass and the other at his mouth:
And he manages to get himself chained to a torpedo (gee, I wonder what all this phallic symbolism is supposed to mean?)
During an extended section of the film in which lots of hairy-chested men are shirtless (justified by new recruits' medical exams), Jerry is poked and penetrated by ever-larger needles (and forgive us for interpreting this as symbolic of getting fucked by ever-larger cocks):
In case we missed the penetration symbolism of the needles, a soldier enters with a giant drill; Jerry passes out, and the soldier exclaims, "I never touched him." Yes, Jerry is getting repeatedly drilled by enormous tools in the Navy.
One doctor spends so much time on Jerry's chest that Jerry asks, "Lose something?"
There's a famous euphemism that Mae West used: "Come up and see me sometime." It meant, of course, "My bedroom is open to you, so let's fuck whenever you want." Jerry says, "Come up and see us sometime" to an officer:
Oh yeah, those hairy chest rubs. One doctor ditches his stethoscope to check Jerry's heartbeat by hand, but this is merely the beginning:
We counted no fewer than 17 (seventeen) circular rubs of Jerry's chest hair in this boxing scene:
And those rubs follow an earlier tit massage:
In addition to dry chest rubs, there are wet ones:
We didn't even ask why Jerry rests his head against his boxing opponent's penis:
Romantic moments like these speak for themselves:
Did we forget Jerry grasping a periscope and opening wide?
Jerry's superior officer hates him, but there are gay subtexts about him, too. Here he explains that the chief of the recruiting station and he are "as close as that":
The officer tries to keep Jerry from being enlisted, but the clerks assume Jerry is the officer's toy boy: "The weird one's a friend of the chief," says one clerk to the other, who responds, "Wouldn't you know."
They're not so wrong, because Jerry did spray the officer's chest:
One more chest rub:
And let's leave with Jerry as he flees for his life from every woman in the world:
"At some point, I'll probably take a shower. Might be today, might be next week. I honestly don't know."—Michael Ian Black
Probably going to make love to my pillow again tonight.
Beauty may only be skin deep, but not muscles.