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The Eye is the Mouth of the Heart

 tags: Ejaculation
 15 Oct 2016

"The eye is the mouth of the heart."
—John Crowley

Jism Through a Prism

 tags: Ejaculation
 27 Sep 2016

What color is semen? White, certainly ... and yet white reflects all hues. If it's true that "Sex is the light that streams from the body" (Jalaja Bonheim, Aphrodite's Daughters), then no wonder erotica writers have described cum in a rainbow of colors. Here are some of my favorite colorful terms from my dictionary of "semenyms," along with several new tints I uncovered just for you:

  • beige - "Two tiny vials containing that mucus-y beige sperm." —Louise Sloane, Knock Yourself Up
  • black - "His cock jerked and spurted. Again and it again it spurted black cum up into Pete’s ravaged asshole." —Jay Alpert, Stick it In!
  • blue - "Blue sperm / over his eyelids." —Jerome Rothenberg, "War," New Selected Poems, 1970-1985
  • brown - "Brown love and brown orgasm will endure." —Andre Guerrero, Hojas: A Chicano Journal of Education
  • crimson - "Crimson semen is left behind." —John Kenneth Muir, Horror Films of the 1980s
  • fuchsia - "Fuchsia sperm / On the bedsheets of the Andes sky." —John Brandi, Diary from a Journey to the Middle of the World
  • green - "Swollen cocks leaking foul greenish slime." —P.Z. Brite, Drawing Blood
  • grey - "Large greyish blotches bore witness to our excesses of that afternoon." —Janus Znaiu
  • indigo - "Rainbows chase sunny days / to passionate / indigo orgasm / over eyelids and bowed heads." —Maureen Maisha Eggers, Mythen, Masken und Subjekte
  • ivory - "Long ropes of ivory squirted from his bobbing cock, falling on my chest and splashing my neck." —Tom Caffrey
  • jade - "Jade sperm and gold fluid." —Guangting Du, Divine Traces of the Daoist Sisterhood
  • lavender - "Red flesh, white flesh, and lavender sperm." —Ashur Etwebi, “Fish Portrait”
  • magenta - "Johnny painted funny little proto-PopArt scenes—one was a magenta sperm." —Frederik Pohl, The Way the Future Was
  • mauve - "'I wouldn't let the luminous sperm concern you overmuch,' he smiled, shaking a test-tube of mauve spunk and holding it to the light." —Russell Lucas, Lip Service
  • orange - "His vision whirled with giant orange sperm." —Elwood Reid, D.B.: A Novel
  • pink - "Rogi rolled up the rag rug with its fluorescent pink cum-stain." —Julian May, Magnificat
  • purple - "She'd never known you could have a purple orgasm." —Ramona Stewart, Seasons of the Heart
  • red - "Purple and crimson as red sperm, it splattered the white Sundays with red." —Fernando del Paso, Palinuro of Mexico
  • silver - "Oozing a steady, occasionally spurting silver streamer." —Peter Pepper, Hard Driver
  • ultramarine azure - "Veins of lapis lazuli in ultramarine azure orgasm." —Davis Schneiderman, DIS or the Shadow of the Dome of Pleasure
  • violet - "Violet sperm jet straight in the face, from a hydrant of mountain-genitals." —Stanisław Ignacy Witkiewicz, The Witkiewicz Reader
  • white - "A big drop of white appeared in his slit, quivering like hot jelly." —Grant Foster
  • yellow - "Charles suddenly moaned and a thick stream of yellowish semen spurted from his penis." —Osman Khareef, The Legacy of Carpocrates

Indeed, semen has been described in a rainbow of colors, and sometimes one ejaculation is an entire rainbow in itself:

rainbow - "You would have shot me with your rainbow cum right in my eye." —Daniel Curzon, The Revolt of the Perverts

What do we find at the end of the rainbow? Why, a pot of gold, of course!

gold - "To ravish in a rain of gold— / sperm swimming down / in coins, thin as gold-leaf." —Joanne De Longchamps, "Talking to Zeus," Torn by Light

Yet, for those rare massive eruptions—those true forces of nature—a rainbow may not be enough. We've got your covered: the Northern Lights!

Northern Lights - "Try the Rainbow Special—all colors in one—and squirt Niagara Falls, Pikes Peak, souvenir postcards, rainbows, and Northern Lights." —William Burroughs, Cities of the Red Night

The Big Picture

 tags: Anal Sex, Ejaculation, Oral Sex, Out of Context, Pics of the Day
 21 Sep 2016

we're in the same boat
so as long as it floats
we might as well stop 'n' stare
at the big picture
—Devo, "The Big Picture"

A Memory Palace Gone to Seed

 tags: Ejaculation
 9 Sep 2016

For years, my obsessive collection of sperm terms existed not on paper but in my head, contained within what I call a Memory Whorehouse. A Memory Whorehouse is my twist on an age-old mnemonic technique known as a Memory Palace. You start with an actual place you know like the back of your hand—your own house, a favorite museum, or anywhere equally familiar. In your imagination, you transform the place into a massage parlor, brothel, sex club, or red light district. Then you fill your mental den of iniquity with vividly explicit images (sex acts) and horny characters to symbolize the information you wish not to forget. The more extraordinary your imagery, the more memorable. As you visualize wandering through the hallways and rooms of your Memory Whorehouse, each figure will remind you of what you wish to recall. If you need to remember items in a particular order, you place them along a familiar path through your Whorehouse and then mentally walk the place, step by step.

As a lifelong word lover, I've always noted with great interest new sperm terms that popped up in erotic literature. Long before I'd accumulated enough terms for an entire dictionary, I took pleasure in collecting them, like some fetishistic bathhouse janitor gathering used condoms. I'll confess that the sperm terms formed an erotic litany for me—an invocation of all mankind's ejaculatory excess. My mental challenge was to keep all that DNA in alphabetical order. And so I filled my Memory Whorehouse with permanent residents. Let's randomly peek into some of the rooms.

In one hallway is a love train of sorts—a line of men chain-fucking and wildly hooting like a steam whistle. The man at the head of the line ejaculates for someone in a Woody Woodpecker costume. The sperm term? Pecker tracks. The costumed figure suggests pecker, while the love train provides the tracks. For my dictionary's example of usage, I cite John Waters' Trash Trio: "Get up, stupid. I hope you didn't leave any pecker tracks on my gown."

A picture on one of the Memory Whorehouse walls depicts a western Canadian cattle farm whose homestead is tricked out in a brightly colored muumuu. The sperm term? Ranch dressing. For the example of usage, I cite the animated series Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in All the World: "I hear you've got some ranch dressing in your honey well."

Through the keyhole of one bedroom I see a Punch and Judy show. Punch is wearing nothing but an immodest Elizabethan-style codpiece even bigger than his nose. Judy is giving him a royal walloping with a stick. The sperm term? It's a British expression: Codswallop. For the example of usage, I cite Janet Price's Feminist Theory and the Body: "A load of old codswallop, obviously."

Behind some velvety pink curtains is a rather grotesque scene featuring the bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Flea. Dozens of vampiric Flea clones are crouching on the floor, their mouths dripping with blood. The sperm term? Womb-squatting parasites. My citation is courtesy of comedian Russell Brand: "Get shot of those womb squatting parasites and celebrate your beauty."

Once my Memory Whorehouse was fully booked, it occurred to me that I had enough material for a full book! Today, I store my ever-growing collection of sperm terms on my computer. But it's never too late to add a wing to my mental bordello!

Cum Rags

 tags: Ejaculation
 3 Sep 2016

If you wipe up your sticky mess and toss the cum rag aside, consider trying this the next time you jack off: keep your cum rag near you after you sop up your sauce. I'll note several reasons why:

1. A used cum rag is an aromatherapy horniness-booster during a j/o session. Try sniffing your used cum rag before blowing a fresh load and see if it makes your orgasm more intense.

2. A used cum rag next to your pillow will be handy if you wake up from a sex dream and want to finish off.

3. If you jack off in bed before going to sleep, keeping your cum rag in bed with you will help you to smell man-scent all night—the pheromones will keep you horny and will encourage orgasms in your sleep (wet dreams).

4. It's more environmentally friendly to use a single cum rag several times than to throw away sperm-soaked tissues.

Some guys keep their cum rags with them not only in bed but on their person as they go through their daily life. Why? According to tribal lore, a man's cum is a physical manifestation of his spirit. So carrying a sample of your sperm with you at all times is like a good luck charm for potency. Plus, having your cum on your person will subtly add to the scent of your masculine musk. And you're free to jack off at a moment's notice, as your sexual needs dictate, with no fear of leaving a conspicuous stain.