The numbers are in, and men who leave their shirts open so as to display chest hair are enjoying fully 18% more sex than their buttoned-up brothers.
If you have to wear a tie, you can still display fur:
Even if you wear a costume, no problem:
This man enjoyed two encounters the day he left his shirt completely unbuttoned:
He finally realized it would be a crime to ever button his shirt:
It's about time we revisited this very popular post from years back:
Imagine being able to shower your musk, your sexual pheromones, all over the men around you. A highly-charged erotic music video depicts just that — a man spraying his sweat like a hose, all over a buddy (or is he a rival? or an ex-lover?) The video is so carefully and artistically executed that it invites careful and multiple watchings. Let's explore what happens and investigate the surprises that unfold second by second, right up to an unforgettable climax in which two men are so drunk on each other's sexuality that they ejaculate with a bottle of champagne and send each other into orgasmic seizures. First watch for yourself, then join me below for a closer look...
The two men in this video, both in their mid-20's, are Christian Siefriend (wearing glasses and sporting a furry chest) and Michael Wilhelm (with sandy hair and a smoother chest). In the first four seconds, we see Michael gazing off in his own little world as Christian removes his retro-style eyeglasses. (The removal of eyewear is a classic symbol of sexual openness, equal to letting one's hair down.) The men are dressed in similar white shirts, both with the top two buttons undone, and both are wearing suspenders (Michael's suspenders are brown, matching his lighter hair, and Christian's are black). The matching outfits put them on a level playing field, accentuating their unity in the brotherhood of men. (As we will learn, both men are alpha males.) The suspenders are an inspired touch — they literally need straps to keep their pants on. The men are standing very close to one another, immediately suggesting intimacy, though what sort of intimacy isn't clear. Is the closeness due to partnership or aggression?
After the first cut, at the 5-second mark, Michael is standing behind Christian, who looks over his shoulder, perhaps a bit suspiciously. At 7 seconds, the camera shows another angle. Christian looks into the distance as Michael's eyes take him in fully. Michael's right hand is at his own chest, possibly opening up his shirt but lingering at his heart. At 9 seconds, Michael brushes something off Christian's shirt — perhaps a chip on his shoulder?
At 12 seconds, the men are suddenly shirtless, but still wearing their suspenders. This is symbolic of how they're holding back their full masculine impulses. Christian gazes mischievously at Michael, who is pulled by his gaze from within his own little world.
After a flashback to Christian unbuttoning his shirt while Michael faces away, arms crossed, a now-bare-chested Michael struts toward the camera, suspenders down, his shoulders swaying cockily (16-second mark). By the 23-second mark, Michael faces Christian's bare chest but hardly opens his eyes, even as Christian jumps toward him. Though seeming disinterested, he feels inspired to begin unbuttoning his own shirt.
The camera pans across a mid-shot of Christian's bare chest and a closeup of Michael's armpit. Christian quickly walks around and boldly takes in Michael's exposed armpit.
At 32 seconds, we flashback to Christian snapping off his suspenders as Michael looks on with deep interest. At 34-seconds, Christian snaps his suspenders hard against his bare chest. Quick cuts showing further shirt removal prepare us for the men jumping into a bare-chested body slam at 37 seconds. Another flashback to the men in their shirts suggests that the men have been fantasizing about being naked while dressed.
At 52 seconds, we see a bare-chested Christian approach Michael to unbutton his shirt. Michael gruffly rebuffs him. The rebuff occurs between two scenes of Christian dancing solo. Is he dreaming of undressing Michael while he dances? The moment Michael pulls off his own shirt, he finds himself being sprayed on the chest rather aggressively. It isn't until 1:03 that we discover the source of the spray — it's Christian's sweat, spraying like a hose from his exposed armpit. At first Michael sort of likes the experience. He resonates with the masculine pheromones, and he gingerly dances as his chest is coated with the other man's sweat. At 1:08 the camera moves in to show the seriousness and intensity with which Christian sprays his pheromones. Michael dances harder, emboldened by the manly atmosphere. The men dance close together, each in his own little world, but both dripping in Christian's sweat.
By 1:27, the pheromones have become so intense that Michael begins to feel uncomfortable. He grimaces and resists the spray, though he can hardly escape it. At 1:38, the men engage in a slight confrontation. Note that while Michael is shirtless, Christian is fully dressed. This suggests that the pheromone shower wasn't literal, at least not in terms of the dripping deluge. But the cloud of manscent around Christian is only too real. In other words, Christian's aura of masculinity is having an effect on those around him. It both excites and taunts Michael. It turns him on, gets him dancing, but also makes him feel slightly aggressive. There's a slight scuffle. The men shove one another, not quite playfully. Christian wordlessly gives in just a little, because the look on Michael's face suggests that he will win any fight.
A crotch-shot of Christian dancing is followed by Michael getting pelted by sweat again at 1:52. Again, this suggests that Christian is exuding his sexual juices as he dances, and that Michael is helpless against their effect.
Are two men in close proximity always playing with fire? That's what the video suggests at 2:09, when Michael sets off a chain of firecrackers as Christian looks on. We're treated to a slow-motion body slam at 2:36, and the symbolic release of sexual tension allows the men to dance close together and face to face at 2:41. We're further treated to a naked solo dance by Michael at 2:45, with a peek at his pubic hair as he steps away from the camera. His full nakedness here suggests a further loosening of inhibitions and a strengthening of masculine expression. He has been bathed in another man's scent, and he can now truly let his pants down.
And so begins the grand finale, starting at 2:57. The men take turns drenching one another with champagne. It's a very highly-charged session of erotic spraying. Christian begins, aggressively spraying Michael's torso with the spraying bottle. Christian stares at Michael's chest throughout, thrusting his hips in an overtly sexual manner as he pumps the foam onto his fellow man's chest. The bottle is unmistakably Christian's penis. The foam is unmistakably his semen. The thrusting of his hips leaves absolutely no room for doubt. Christian is fucking Michael with that champagne, and he's fucking him hard. And Michael is loving every drop of it, his arms raised high as if in jubilation or even triumph. Then the men switch off at 3:35. Michael pops the cork of his own champagne bottle, and an explosion of foam showers Christian from head to toe and sets him off into a sexual frenzy. Watch carefully for the double-exposure flashes, which reveal that Christian's pants are off during this scene. The champagne spurts in a powerful stream, and Michael aggressively (very aggressively) gives Christian a foamy facial. Christian takes it like a man, shaking his face wildly to further drench himself in the spray. Michael leans in close to pummel his companion with his potently intoxicating spray. The scene is undoubtedly of an intensity and uniqueness that will leave a lasting impression on the viewer. It's difficult to overstate the enthusiasm with which Michael sprays Christian, or the bestial abandon with which Christian accepts the spray. They participate in a wild bacchanal, though they're not drunk on champagne but rather on each other. Even after the bottle is empty, Christian shakes wildly as if experiencing multiple orgasms. In a beautiful final touch, Michael raises the spent bottle to lick off the remaining drops. The sexual symbolism is as beautiful as it is unmissable.
If hardcore gay porn were this powerful, none of us would ever get any work done!
You are a right dirty wee bastard who gets up to all sorts of kinky razzamatazz when you think nobody's watching. You know who you are.
—the ever-watchful Iain Connell of Scotland
I could probably fit most of a smallish nipple into my pee hole.
—the polymorphously perverse Michael Ian Black