IDEA: self-driving cars that ALSO give hand jobs.
—the hands-free shooter Michael Ian Black
Now it's the middle of the night like a stupid asshole.
—the dark interior of Michael Ian Black
In honor of gay marriage being passed, Hawaii is changing the word "lei" to "anal sex flowers."
If a novelty sex toy seems too intimate to be gifted to your best buddy, here's an idea that's totally erotic without crossing any uncomfortable lines -- a book with well-over a thousand names for cum.
Speaking of sexy words ...
"I love screaming 'HAPPINESS!' in public because I'm getting away with yelling 'PENIS!'"
You know you have personal problems when you fake orgasms while masturbating to spare your own feelings.