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If You Don't Have a Nickname For Your Penis ...

 tags: Cocks, Here's What It Looks Like, Humor

I don't have a nickname for my penis. I just use his Christian name.

Thanking Everyone Who Has Ever Done This ...

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Michael Ian Black

Just want to take a moment to thank everybody who has ever put their mouth on my penis.
—the grateful Michael Ian Black

At the Cinema

 tags: ReM/Mixed Erotica

ReM/Mixed Erotica: At the Cinema
Authorized reM/Mix by Confidant of "At the Cinema” by Jeremy Edwards.
© 2013 Jeremy Edwards. All rights reserved.

There once was a boy bold as thunder

Whose hand I encountered Down Under.

He'd caress perineum

Five showings per diem,

Till people around us would wonder.

This Aussie, of background so Perth,

Of climaxes suffered no dearth.

While we sat in the Odeon,

Bliss antipodean

Made him flow forth like a firth.

Instead of Sex Dolls

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Sex Toys

I don't use sex dolls; I use sex action figures.

It Doesn't Matter Which Hand You Use

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Ways to Jack Off

It doesn't matter which side you use to jerk off, if you're a lefty or a righty, you're still only masturbating.
—Keating Thomas, who has to use two hands anyway