Due to extenuating personal circumstances, after 21 years I need to retire keepstill.com. If you or someone you know might be interested in taking it over, please email me an offer/proposal. Best wishes, guys.
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The Ferocity of My Squat Thrusts

 tags: Anal Sex, Here's What It Looks Like, Humor

People on trains are scared by the ferocity of my squat thrusts but they calm down when they see how gently I rub baby oil into my thighs.

While My Family is at Church

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Michael Ian Black, Red Hot Gray Areas

While my family is at church I'm going to do my bit by masturbating to crucifixion porn.
—the irreverent Michael Ian Black

We previously noted Michael Ian Black's gossip about his kissing scene with Bradley Cooper in the film Wet Hot American Summer.  Black had noted, "Bradley Cooper just said I am his favorite on-screen kiss. That wasn't kissing; it was lovemaking."  When asked what Bradley Cooper's mouth tastes like ("Carrots? Chiclets? Candied yams?"), Black responded "A lot like my dick, actually."

How I Judge When It's Time To Take a Shower

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Michael Ian Black, Watersports

The way I judge when it's time for me to take a shower is by how badly I need to pee.
—the golden Michael Ian Black

Every Room Has a Penis

 tags: Cocks, Ways to Jack Off

Did you know that every room has a penis and that you can find it?  The ancient Hindu science of architecture, called Vastu Shastra, developed a template.  Lay it over the blueprint of any room to discover where the room's cock is located.  Then try masturbating or having mansex exactly on that spot to see if the ancient Hindus were right about the masculine energy in a room.

That's Not Eggnog!

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Rob Huebel, Romance

I bet you are dating the guy who, when someone takes a sip of eggnog, cracks "that's not eggnog!!"
—the smooth and creamy Rob Huebel