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You Can Get Away With Telling a Policeman ...

 tags: Humor

You can get away with telling a policeman, "I'd ram my head through your trouser fly and snort your coconuts."
—the horny Scotsman, Iain Connell

Sometimes I Like to Sit On My Hands

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Ways to Jack Off

Sometimes I like to sit on my hands so it feels like someone else is keeping me from masturbating.
—Dan Guterman, whose brain is his biggest sexual organ

Not as Grateful as My Anus

 tags: Asses, Hairy Men, Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Leather

Michael Ian Black: I probably don't say this enough, but I am grateful for my excellent tonguing skills.
David Yazbek: Not as grateful as my anus.

What Is In Us is More Important Than What is On Us

 tags: Anal Sex, Ejaculation, Here's What It Looks Like

What is in us is more important than what is on us.
—Tom Howe

Not a Euphemism

 tags: Asses, Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Michael Ian Black

If anybody needs me to build a fire in his fireplace, I am good at that. (This is not a euphemism for penis in butthole.)
—the smoldering Michael Ian Black (paraphrased)