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My Toilet Tank Holds Exactly Two Gallons of ...

 tags: Michael Ian Black

My toilet tanks hold exactly two gallons. I know this from manually filling them over the last three days. With my jizz.
—the inimitable Michael Ian Black

Spermatic Fluid - Semenyms

 tags: Sperm Terms

From the "Standard Terms" section of our Dictionary of Semenyms:

spermatic fluid - a clinical term for semen; used to suggest the fertility of semen. “Pressing my fingers deeply between his balls and anus, I felt his spermatic fluid pumping out in strong spasms.” —Anonymous


The Inner Madman

 tags: Bondage, Here's What It Looks Like

‎"A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key." —Paul Valery

Fiery Devil’s Spew - Semenyms

 tags: Sperm Terms

From the "Negative Terms" section of our Dictionary of Semenyms:

fiery devil’s spew - describes the culmination of a wicked sex act. “A disembodied line of voyeur cocks . . . spray the gals’ faces with fiery devil’s spew.” —AVN Guide to the 500 Greatest Adult Films of All Time


Why Guys Eat Dick

 tags: Oral Sex

At a "Just Been Fucked" party, we asked a bunch of guys, "Why do you eat dick?"  Here are some of their answers:
  • because it's a dog eat dog world
  • because it's there
  • because I'm hungry and that's what I'm hungry for
  • because it's familiar
  • because I'm on a liquid diet
  • because I don't know when I'll see it again
  • because it tastes good
  • because I'm bored
  • because I like it and it gives me pleasure
  • because I do as I'm told
  • because a blowjob is the greatest gift you can give a man
  • for the power rush of controlling his orgasm
  • because it makes me a better man
  • because I paid for it and want what's coming to me