Due to extenuating personal circumstances, after 21 years I need to retire keepstill.com. If you or someone you know might be interested in taking it over, please email me an offer/proposal. Best wishes, guys.
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Lying On My Résumé

 tags: Cocks, Humor

I shouldn't have lied on my résumé, but I doubt they'll ever actually measure my penis.
—the very funny Alex Baze

Now I Have a Lot of Semen On My Hands

 tags: Ejaculation, Hairy Men, Ways to Jack Off

I have a lot of TIME on my hands. Now I have a lot of SEMEN on my hands.
—Jeffrey Hadz, who has the right idea

Homosexual Superiority

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Romance

I do believe in homosexual superiority; [the] world would be better place if more people slept with own gender.
—Alexander Bard, philosopher and founder of the bands Army of Lovers, Vacuum, Bodies without Organs, Gravitonas, and others

I Don't Think My Gynecologist Knows What He's Doing

 tags: Humor

I don't think my gynecologist knows what he's doing.
—the very funny Alex Baze

At Some Point Today ...

 tags: Michael Ian Black

At some point today, I am going to be absolutely, fully, buck naked.
Michael Ian Black, nudist extraordinaire