Due to extenuating personal circumstances, after 21 years I need to retire keepstill.com. If you or someone you know might be interested in taking it over, please email me an offer/proposal. Best wishes, guys.
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On At Least One Assigment, Janes Bond Had To ...

 tags: Cocks, Fashion, Hairy Men

"You know on at least one assignment James Bond had to suck somebody's dick."
—Gary Janetti, who is surely right about it

Either My Dick Has Gotten Smaller, Or ...

 tags: Humor, Ways to Jack Off

Either my dick has got smaller or my memory foam sex doll has been cheating on me.
—favorite Scottish comedian Iain Connell

Squeezing Your Ass Through a Glory Hole

 tags: Anal Sex, Humor

I'm sorry but just how are you supposed to squeeze your arse through one of these glory holes?
—the ever-inquisitive Iain Connell

Just Raped This Sofa Cushion #2

 tags: Here's What It Looks Like, Humor, Michael Ian Black

Older gentlemen in khakis and sweaters tied around their necks get me wet.
—the ever-moist Michael Ian Black

We're still searching our archives for a photo of that, but meanwhile Michael Ian Black reports that he once again "Just legitimately raped this sofa cushion."  Here's what that looks like:

After I Masturbate

 tags: Ejaculation, Humor

I don't even like staying the night after I masturbate.
—the hilarious Alex Baze