Michael Ian Black quips: "Repealing 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' decimated our military. The whole fun of blowing sailors was that it was a secret."
Just legitimately raped this sofa cushion.
—the unstoppable Michael Ian Black
Also next to godliness: peeing outside.
—Michael Ian Black, who—as far as we're concerned—can pee anywhere he damn well pleases
"One of my nipples feels 'off' today. They need to get in synch."