"I am the new generation of masturbator.  I’ve seen it all.  Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week …  I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.  The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating.  And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes.  If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion.  [It's] because I want to take a brain bath.  It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself." —Rolling Stone coverboy John Mayer (via WOW)

In unrelated news . . . Pictured below is the "before" . . . Click on the image to reveal the "after."