Dear Bearded Confidant,

I have a psychological question concerning oral sex. None of my friends seem to be able to answer this, so I thought that you could. The question is, what psychological role does each participant play during oral sex? Is the giver of oral sex submissive, while the givee is dominant? Or vice versa? I know that the answer depends upon the relationship of the parties, but I'm asking from a purely objective standpoint. Thanks for you help. Any citations you have to support your answer would be most useful as I hope to rub some faces into the evidence.

Dear Curious,

Many people mistakenly believe that the person with the dick in his mouth is always the receptive partner who is getting face-fucked.  Many people mistakenly believe that the person who takes cum in his mouth is submissive.  These people seem to forget that when you give head, you have incredible control over the man whose dick is in your mouth or down your throat.  In many ways, his very life is in your hands, and the closer he gets to cumming, the more power you have over him.  A man who is getting sucked is putty in the hands of the one doing the blowing.  If our man is brought to the edge of cumming and then teased just a bit, he'll literally beg for release.  Let's say our man's partner stops sucking right when he starts moaning like he's about to cum, and then our man's partner starts gently probing the tender slit of his cock with the tip of his tongue.  In this vulnerable position, our man might promise anything for satisfaction.  The great thing about oral sex is that it can be remarkably versatile in terms of who gives and who receives, who is dominant and who is passive.  It all has to do with body position and the attitude of the people involved. 

Here are a few random scenarios, just to demonstrate the nearly endless variety of possibilities.  Let's say our man is standing up, thrusting his cock into the mouth of his kneeling partner, and chanting "Eat my fuck" all the while his cock slides across that hot wet tongue.  Our man standing would probably be considered the dominant partner, and the guy kneeling would be the receiving end.  But now imagine our man lying on his back, chilling out, and not moving while someone sucks on his cock.  Our man would be the receptive partner, passively receiving oral sex.  Even though his cock is technically penetrating the other guy's mouth, our man's lover is actually doing the fucking by thrusting head back and forth along the shaft and slurping the cockhead with his tongue.  What about two guys in a 69 position?  It doesn't matter whether they're both lying on their sides, or whether one is on his back and the other crawls over him on all fours.  If both men are sucking each other's cocks, they are both receiving and giving simultaneously.  If our man stands and jacks off into another guy's open mouth, our man would be considered dominant, but consider how much he's at the mercy of his partner's open mouth.  If his partner were to suddenly close his mouth or move away before the jacker started to cum, the eroticism of whole scene would be lost.  If our man lies on his back on the floor and his lover crawls on top of his face and starts butt-fucking his mouth, the guy on top would be considered dominant because he's the one doing the hard thrusting and also because our man getting face-fucked is at his total mercy in terms of how deep the cock gets shoved down his throat.  When a guy lies on top of your face and goes into a fuck frenzy, you have absolutely no control until he shoots his load and pulls his cock out.  Consider also a glory-hole scenario.  Neither man can even see the other, and their positions are limited to standing with a dick through a hole or kneeling before that dick, so who is receiving and who is offering depends purely on the personal imaginations of each man.  So as we can see, the different roles within oral sex all depend upon the situation.