Dear Bearded Confidant,

Hey! This has been a weird 2 years. Let me start with I am transgender. I didn't know the definition of that word until I looked it up after we got internet at home this April, but I have been a boy at least since I told my best friend when I was 10. I had thought all my life I was the only one.

I had been thinking as a pretty straight guy all my life, about being in a boy's body and kissing a girl when I was maybe 12. Which by the time I was 19 became me in my mind being a teenage man fucking a hot teenage gal. Still, I never did anything. Guys thought I was a hot girl, and tried to ask me out. In confusion I kept thinking that would be dirty, and gee I wonder if they are gay?

So fast forward to 2 years ago, before I looked up the definition. I am logical. X+X=girl. So I had decided at that point I can never be happy unless I force myself to become a happy in my body "woman."(puke) I tried (embarrassing) push up bras from Fredericks of Hollywood, thongs (tossed them after one hour), and 1st ever pair of high heel shoes. I felt like a man in drag, but I would be happy and marry a good Christian man...and hope he don't hate me when he later discovers he married a guy. :/

Then I met this guy, and he and me talked hours! We had strangely much in common. I knew he liked me, but something was off...he seemed embarrassed. Long story...but turns out the guy I figured I could use to prove to the world indeed I am a straight female cuz see I love a, he is gay. (We accidentally talked 4 hours at a restaurant again before I left for university, and he paid.)

So now I am at campus. And I wear only mens clothing and feel finally  normal.  I have been coming out as transgender, slowly, but some people think I am a butch lesbian. I ain't. But I am confused why after coming out as transgender to myself finally moving to acceptance...why don't I stop loving that guy? How do I figure out after all this if I am bi, or straight, or what the hell?

Dear Davie,

You're in an amazing place.  Change just one letter, and transgenders are transcenders.  Transcending, of course, means going beyond the limits.  You have no limits, and that's actually a whole lot to come to terms with.  Neat and tidy definitions in life can be quite comforting, but they're simultaneously prison bars.  I fully understand why you're asking yourself questions, why you're wondering if a straight man in a woman's body can and/or should fall in love with a gay dude (who himself is possibly a female spirit in a masculine body).  But transgender transcenders get to be more metaphysical (by which I mean "beyond physical matter") than the average guys.  Looking past physicality, you're a soul unhindered by sex organs, and you're feeling love for another soul in any sort of body.  Labels simply don't matter here — they're purely arbitrary and wholly illusional.  Bodies don't matter here, because you're feeling something much deeper — a soul-to-soul connection.  By all means, get to know this soul better.  Maybe he'll turn out to be an ideal life partner for you, and maybe not, but there's only one way to find out.  There's absolutely no "right" or "wrong" person for you to commune with, and any labels you apply to yourself or to others are quite literally fetters, restraining you from self-determination.  Don't be your own prison warden — live a limitless life.  But to answer your question, "What the hell?"  Yes!  What the hell, why not?!