Dear Bearded Confidant,

I'm a happy and healthy gay man. I'm very keen to our desires and what drives them and find them endlessly fascinating. I grew up in a typical suburban household, the youngest of five siblings. Our parents encouraged us to express ourselves in positive, open and honest ways. From an early age, I recall wanting to be a stripper. I have no idea where that came from. As I've grown into my sexual maturity over the years, I find that I have fantasies over and over again about serving the men I'm with as their toy or "sexual property". I have been lucky to live that fantasy with a couple of men I've been with and find myself encouraging that fantasy with potential mates. I can't ignore the similarities between that desire and the desire to be seen as a sexual object [stripper] at such an young age.

I always find your advise to be so spot on so, I'm curious what you make of all this.

Dear Happy Whore,

Your desire to be another man's sexual property is deep with philosophical significance, though the meaning is counterintuitive.  The archetype you're describing is known as the "holy slave"—a man who cannot be bought or sold but who serves as a willing volunteer.  And so, though it might sound ironic at first, it is the holy slave who is truly free.  In Greek antiquity, the holy slaves were initiators into the mysteries of love (sexual rites).  It's not at all surprising that from an early age you fantasized about stripping, for like the great magician Houdini releasing himself from a straitjacket, the holy slave cannot be restrained by clothing.  Indeed, no matter how elaborately you are roped or chained in service to a master, no man can ever truly restrict a holy slave's liberty.  The more a holy slave is humiliated, the more humility he gains; the more a holy slave is debased, the more grounded he becomes.  Everything the holy slave gives up for the sake of his master is a sacrifice in its original meaning (the Latin sacer means "holy"). 

Just as gay fans don't literally worship the divas (like Madonna or Lady Gaga) they fawn after, the holy slave's true master is not the man he serves.  The holy slave's true master is his own highest masculine self.  He moves through the toils of daily life with grace.  He figuratively stands tall through the drudgery of existence.  This refinement stems from being self-actualized and is evidenced by a lightheartedness of the soul.  How can a holy slave be lighthearted through life's challenges?  He knows that the race has already been run, the game has been won, the shore has been reached.  He has nothing to prove and nothing to lose, for his highest self is not limited by worldly achievements.  A man cannot experience wholeness, peace, strength, balance, or joy until he operates from the core of himself, the part which needs no validation, is not reactionary, and is not lacking.  A holy slave's inner core does not ever have to feel afraid, for it carries full responsibility and therefore exists in perfect wholeness.

(Speaking of language, it's interesting that the synonyms for "freedom" overlap with the synonyms for "ejaculation": discharge, release, manumission.)