Dear Bearded Confidant,

First, I must tell you I'm 18, and I'm a Quebecer.  So, guess it, my first language is French.  So excuse me if my English sounds very bad, ok?  Can you explain me what is an "enema"?  I don't know this English term.  Secondly, you answered a previous question about a man who takes his lover's nine inch cock up his ass.  At home, as a home-made dildo, I use a water pump for toilet which I wrap in a Scott towel.  I put a condom on it and there it goes!  But when I'm pushing it up my ass, it can't go as far as 9 inches!  4 inches is the maximum!  I would like to pick it up more than that.  Can you help me?  I sense after 4 or five inches that the "dildo" reaches the bottom of my ass and can't go deeper no matter what...  I tried a banana as you suggested for the flexibility, but it can't go deeper.  Is there something I am doing wrong?  And here is another question about safety.  If my friend and I both went to take a test for AIDS, and the results were clean for both of us, can we have anal intercourse without a condom?  If no one has AIDS, is there any danger of sort of "creating" the virus?  How do we know if we are "top" or "bottom"?  I can figure it!  The idea of fucking someone turns me on as much as the idea of having another guy's cock in my ass...  I know I can be "both," but what make the difference?  I mean, what is the different thoughts about a guy being top and bottom?  There must be a different way of thinking, different thing that makes you turn on!  And last thing, when I use my home-made dildo, I used to apply some Vaseline on it.  You told via your site that you don't recommend using Vaseline.  I understand that when you are having sex with a man, Vaseline can increase the risk that the condom will break, but if the condom is on a dildo, is it bad to use Vaseline?  Thanx!

Dear Armor Knight,

1. An enema is an anal douche, in which water is squirted into the anus through a tube attached to a container.

2. As for taking more than four inches up your ass, in theory you should be able to take much, much more than that, so you need to experiment with putting your body in different positions as you insert your toy. Try getting down on all fours. Try squatting. Try lying on your back with your legs in the air. Try lying on your side with one leg bent. Be sure to practice with a flexible toy. I don't recommend a wooden handle. If you feel discomfort, change positions, add more lubrication, and try again.

3. Regarding AIDS, you cannot "create" the virus if neither of you already has it. However, for general safety, I recommend using a condom even if both you have passed AIDS tests, unless both of you are virgins.

4. It is certainly possible to be both a "top" and a "bottom" at the same time. The ass and the cock are two different sexual organs, so you could want to stimulate one or both of them. Many guys like to feel a dildo in their ass while they fuck their partner. As for the thoughts involved in being a top or bottom, it all boils down to giving and receiving. If you desire to give your sexual energy to your partner, to shove it and shoot it and empty it inside his body, you may be feeling like a top. If you desire to receive your partner's sexual energy, to feel it fill you up, you may be feeling like a bottom.

5. Regarding Vaseline, I do not recommend it for any sort of sex, whether with a partner or solo, whether on the cock or in the ass. Vaseline is a petroleum product, and petroleum products are not as nourishing to the skin as botanical products are. I recommend that you choose a vegetable-based oil instead. The clean-up is easier and it is better for your skin (especially the tender tissues inside your anus).