Dear Bearded Confidant,

A nice healthy tan really turns me on. Is it dangerous to tan nude and get your dick tan?  Will the skin on a dick even tan?

Dear WhiteCock,

It is a wonderful thing to tan your whole body, and not just because nude sunbathing tends to make men feel horny (a great many men get instant erections when direct sunlight hits their genitals). Exposure to sunlight has been proven to be extremely beneficial in several ways, such as boosting vitamin D production within the skin, preventing Seasonal Affective Disorder, decreasing blood pressure, lowering the heart rate, and increasing the blood output of the heart. Sunlight exposure has also been shown to help reduce the risk of colon and prostate cancers. Your dick will indeed get tanned with sun exposure, and you should keep it well lubricated with oil (especially if your private parts usually don't see the light of day). Also, take care to move your dick around while sunbathing so that it tans evenly. If your dick starts to feel too warm, try tucking it between your legs or roll over onto your back for a while. Because most men are hairy around their genitals, the hairs help to protect the cock and balls from getting too much sun exposure. Men who shave their genitals are more vulnerable to burning and should apply a sunscreen in addition to regular tanning oils. If you can't get rid of your erection due to the sun stimulation, try lubing up some more and jerking off to see if your dick will relax afterwards. The extra oil can only be good in either case. After tanning, apply liberal amounts of cooling aloe vera gel to your genitals to ensure that no burning or peeling will occur. Burning and peeling will only make sex uncomfortable later on, so it's worth taking preventative steps. Moderation is a good rule to follow when nude sunbathing, especially when you begin. (Nudity, on the other hand, should not be practiced in moderation. In general, the more nudity you can enjoy on a daily basis, both indoors and out, the healthier you will be. Jockstraps, briefs, and other tight clothing cut off the circulation of blood to and through the genitals and keep the temperature of your testicles unnaturally warm. Perspiration is not meant to be trapped against the skin; rather, it should be allowed to gather in your hair follicles and evaporate in the air. Allowing the skin of your genitals to breathe naturally helps to prevent clogged pores, rashes, fungus, infections, and other skin disorders.)