Dear Bearded Confidant,

I have a new fuck buddy.  We are both married men and monogamous.  We have anal intercourse.  I am 58, he is 52.  He can come 4 or 5 times in an hour; it happens every time, to my great delight!  We only get together once or twice a week.  My question is, how can I prepare myself to receive him?  That is, what can I do to be clean inside so that I don't have to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes?  Is there an eating schedule, or can you recommend things to eat or not eat that may help me be able to keep his loads for the entire, limited amount of time that we have to be together?

Dear Peloso,

For the majority of men, the cleanliness of anal sex is not an issue as long as they have had a bowel movement within several hours of offering themselves to their lovers.  Because anal sex creates feelings of fullness in the bowels, some men feel as though they need to use the toilet as soon as a cock slides inside of them.  However, most of the time this is just a sensation and not an actual need.  As you get more used to anal sex, the sensations of urgency tend to subside.  In the meantime, since cleanliness issues are preventing you from enjoying worry-free fucking, I suggest that you take measures to clean out your bowels in advance of meeting with your buddy.  The night before a meeting, eat a very high fiber dinner.  You may even want to munch on some high fiber cereal (such as shredded wheat) as an after-dinner snack.  Just before going to bed take a laxative tablet (the kind which promise overnight relief as opposed to instant relief, since you want to have a bowel movement in the morning but don't want to interrupt your sleep).  You'll end up starting your day with a very clean system.  Eat very lightly for the rest of the day until your meeting, avoiding oily or hard-to-digest foods.  Here's a tip I learned from my uncle, who is a registered nurse: any time during the day that you wish to encourage another bowel movement, try drinking a full glass of warm water.  I recommend that you don't take more laxatives during the day of your meeting, lest they kick in while your man is fucking you.  If you still don't feel quite clean enough after this regimen, then here is an additional technique: give yourself a saltwater enema before your man visits.  This will certainly flush out your system.