Dear Bearded Confidant,

After anal intercourse, I find I get swollen and even a little shaky back down there, and it is uncomfortable for almost two days. We lubricate with KY jelly. Is there something I can rub on after sex to calm this discomfort and swelling? Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Dear Mark,

It sounds as though your man is pounding your ass too hard, buddy!  I'm not suggesting that a good hard fuck isn't fantastic, but you should try taking things more slowly and easily until your ass can take a real beating.  If you are experiencing swelling, your ass is enduring too much trauma all at once.  After sex, I recommend rubbing coconut oil around and inside your anus for a remarkable soothing and cooling effect.  Get a jar of pure coconut oil.  The oil will be solid, and when it is at room temperature you'll be able to scoop some out with your fingertips like face cream.  In that semi-solid, globby state, the coconut oil is easy to slide into your ass.  However, if you continue to experience discomfort, you should definitely consult with a doctor.  Don't be ashamed to discuss your symptoms with your doctor, because an enormous number of people—both gay and straight—participate in anal intercourse.