Dear Bearded Confidant,

You are a mad genius.  Your advice is invaluable.  I had to read every response on any subject.  It is honest, succinct, and most of all objective.  The best part is you are not afraid of making qualifying statements, which is lovely since it is an opinion.  You just usually have a savvy opinion.  So here's my question:

I am 23, never loved, don't think.  I usually become infatuated with one person and consequently avoid potential prosperous relationships. However, once I finally do catch the fish I am after, I lose interest.  Sexually, I give a guy three times before his imperfections begin to repulse me, e.g. hair growing out of the butt up the back, which on someone I might find sexy, but after a while with someone where it's not the right kind of tuft, I get grossed out.  Sorry about the run on sentence.  Also, farting disgusts me, anything to do with shit.  I had an ex-boyfriend who would always do it in front of me.  Please don't give me the "you need mental help" bullshit.  I believe you're smart enough to give me an objective opinion.

Dear Carabelo,

You are clearly an "homme fatale." In case this phrase is unfamiliar, allow me to briefly explain. The homme fatale is not merely the male counterpart to the femme fatale. The two are profoundly different. The femme uses her great seductive charm to lure victims into her web. She aggressively hunts her prey, leading them into compromising or dangerous situations. The homme, by contrast, is both "dangerous" and desirable by virtue of his slippery nature. He does not attempt to ensnare his victims. Quite the contrary--he is totally benevolent. If he plots anything, it is merely the next step of his journey. Whether or not he is actually a knight in shining armor, we can count on the homme fatale to soon be galloping off to distant lands and new loves. We become his victims only when he leaves us behind. Ironically, his "sting" derives from the fact that he does not bite.

How do I know that you, Carabelo, are an homme fatale yourself? Your slippery nature is only one giveaway. You are cooly detached, aloof. You live life according to your own rule book, and the rules may change from situation to situation. You will not be pigeonholed. Though not necessarily selfish, you are totally self-referenced and do not define yourself according to outside objects or people. You are self-contained and self-sufficient.

After fucking your latest boyfriend three times, you lose interest because you need more than hot sex to pin you down. What's left in the relationship if there's not also a lot of other common ground, good conversation, and so on? You may eventually find a man capable of ensnaring you for good, but I wouldn't count on it or worry about it. Remain independent and autonomous, unconventional and nonconforming. Be your own favorite person. Enjoy your freedom and continue seeing life as a quest. As you ride off into the sunset, plenty of guys will eat your dust, but as the saying goes, "You snooze, you lose."