Dear Bearded Confidant,

I am a 25 year old heterosexual male and have a question.  I believe that all people are bisexual by nature but that this bisexuality is composed of degrees of homo- and heterosexuality.  While some people are more included toward the homosexual end of the spectrum, others tend toward heterosexuality.  I consider myself to be heterosexual; however, I do have homosexual desires on occasion.  One of these homosexual desires is to perform oral sex on another man. I am interested in performing fellatio for one specific reason: I am interested to learn how such an act feels for a woman when she performs it.  For some reason, I believe that my experience would make my sexual relations with women closer.  Other than that, however, I have no other interest in having full-fledged sex with another man.

My question is this: how do I approach my best male friend—"Alan"—about this subject?  I am specifically interested in performing oral sex on him for two main reasons: first, he is my closest male friend, someone with whom I have shared a lot of personal information about myself (and he has done the same) and whom I can trust; and second, I know that his circle of sexual contacts is limited and therefore I would feel safe performing oral sex on him.

Like me, Alan is heterosexual and my age.  He currently has an online relationship with a woman in Europe.  Since she lives six time zones away however, he has no sexual relations with her year round, but only when and/or if she visits the states. At the same time, Alan has a liberal attitude in regards to sexuality.  His younger brother is gay, for instance, and, as a result, Alan has an open mind about homosexuality.  He and I have talked about sexuality on numerous occasions.  We have discussed certain aspects of our own sexuality, e.g. circumcision, penis length (he knows the length of my penis and I know the length of his), sexual positions, masturbation, erections (whether or not our erections curve), etc. Alan and I have viewed heterosexual porn sites together online (he frequently sends me links to such sites), have gone to an adult store and browsed the video collection and have watched a porn video together.  We frequently joke about pretending to be gay, since people sometimes assume we are lovers because we hang out with one another in our free time.

Given our relationship, how do I know he would be willing to allow me to perform fellatio on him? How do I approach the subject with him?  Given his liberal attitude about sexuality, would we be able to draw the distinction between a homosexual act, that is fellatio, and homoosexuality?

I do not expect him to reciprocate on me, but I think I would enjoy it nonetheless if he offered to do so. On the one hand, I realize that this is a curiosity of mine and I am only interested in fellatio because of the reasons stated above. I do not expect my intentions to go beyond oral sex with Alan, that is, anal intercourse.  I have no interest in such sexual acts.  On the other hand, I do not wish to jeopardize my close friendship with Alan because of my own curiosities.  However, I would prefer doing this with Alan because we are such close friends and I know I can trust him. I hope you can help with this matter.

Dear Anonymous One,

It is true that two men who are close, no matter what their sexual orientation or past sexual experiences, should be able to share their natural masculine desires in a casual but intimate way with no strings attached. It is true that two men can enjoy physical acts of sex with one another unencumbered by feelings of love (in other words, they can perform homosexual activities without being homosexual in the sense of wanting a gay relationship). So on those grounds, I strongly encourage you to pursue sucking off your buddy. However, I must also strongly warn you never to explore masculine intimacy unless you are fully and completely prepared to take things as far as they might possibly go. Is it possible to become suck buddies with your friend and keep your friendship on the same level? Yes, but it is also possible that the sucking will lead to fucking and other forms of intimate sharing, eventually changing the nature of your friendship. Are you prepared for that possibility? If so, then you have no problem. If not, then don't play with fire. Masculine passion runs very hot, and when two men get together all sorts of sparks can fly. If you are wanting to explore oral sex with your buddy in order to improve your relationships with women, you might be in for a surprise. Such an experience might actually distance you from women and increase your desire for more masculine companionship. I am totally in favor of increasing masculine companionship, but are you prepared for the possible consequence that you might come to prefer mansex? Keep in mind that men have an astonishing ability to pleasure one another because they know the male body so well. Another man will know and understand every sensation you are feeling. Another man will know how to handle a cock better than any woman ever could, because he has a lifetime of experience. Another man will know how a horny man's brain works, because he's wired in the same way. And since most men in Western society don't get nearly enough masculine companionship on a daily basis, mansex tends to feel verrrry good because it literally and figuratively fills a gap in male experience. It is perfectly natural to want to pursue your curiosities about mansex. And doing so with a man you can trust and are close to is ideal. I suggest that you start slowly and discover just how much you enjoy sexual intimacy with other men. Become jerk off buddies with your friend. In other Q&A's I discuss how to become a jerk off buddy and how to gradually work up to more intimate acts. Do it for yourself. Do it for your friend. But don't kid yourself that you're doing it for your heterosexual relationships, because it isn't likely to work that way.