“Looking for a Relationship but Not Easily Aroused”
Dear Bearded Confidant,
I'm 19, not bad looking, but I find it hard to get guys to notice me. I want a relationship, not constant one night stands like my friends. But when I find someone I'm attracted too, I can't get an erection when thinking about him. My first sexual experience was a mess. I know that I'm attracted to men, and I really want to find a partner, but I'm not that interested in the sex side. Can you help me or give me any constructive advice?
Love, affection, and sexuality express themselves in many ways, and getting a hardon is just one of them. Nor is sex the only (or most important) aspect of a relationship. If you find a man who you truly love, you are likely to find yourself erect and horny for sex as well. The frequency of sexual relations doesn't matter. I assume that you are able to get and stay hard during masturbation, so there is not a physical problem. If you find a man and want to fool around with him, don't worry about whether or not you get hard. Offer other parts of your body to him, especially your fingertips and your mouth. Spend some time pleasing him, and when you are finished, if you have an erection, start working with it. Otherwise, lie next to him and bask in the feelings of having brought another man pleasure. When talking to potential boyfriends or partners, be honest about how sex is not the most important thing in your life. Many men will be glad to hear that!