Dear Bearded Confidant,

I'm a 43 year old man and for as long as I can remember I've enjoyed anal pleasures. My question to you is what is the best thing to do if the butt plug I have pushed in my ass slips all the way in. I enjoy fucking while I'm filled up with a large butt plug, but while going at it I can feel the plug slipping inside of me and it takes away from the moment. I would be really embarassed if I had to go to the hospital to have it removed. What do you recommend if this should happen when I'm with a friend or alone?

Dear Bob,

No wonder you love anal action, considering the millions of pleasure nerves in that area. Many men (especially circumcised men) derive more pleasure from butt play than they do from dick play because the anal nerves are more sensitive and plentiful. And because your butt plugs and dildos stimulate your prostate, your orgasms are greatly intensified. Understandably, you don't want to lose any objects up your ass. It is vitally important to select butt plugs and other anal toys which have a wide base to prevent complete penetration. If you like really deep fucking, you need to buy longer dildos with the protective base. Another option is to ask for anal toys with a string attached to the base. These obviously allow you to shove the toy deep inside your ass and then pull it back out when you are finished fucking. If you ever do lose anything up there, you should see a doctor immediately lest the toy become lodged and cause damage. However, there's no need to feel embarrassed, because the doctors I've talked to say that men come in all the time to have sex toys removed from their butts. Even I was amazed by the list of objects that creative people have shoved up too far! One doctor even operated on a fellow-physician who had stuffed prescription bottles, test tubes, and several rubber gloves up his ass. Whatever floats your boat... but make sure it's a tug boat with a string on the end!