Dear Bearded Confidant,

I have a cut 7-incher, and I want to know if there is anything non-surgical, not having to do with pumps, that I can do to increase the size of my cock in the privacy of my own home.

Dear Toiletduck,

Since pumps and surgical techniques provide unreliable results at best, you are wise to seek non-surgical methods for enlarging your cock.  I'll discuss two viable methods below.  However, the fastest way to make your dick appear longer (and a secret of the porn stars) is to shave off the pubic hair from around the base.  Carefully shave the underside of your shaft all the way down to where the ballsac begins, and shave the topside all the way to the hilt, then trim the pubic hair nearest the shaft so that the entirety of your cock is unobstructed.  Your dick will look at least an inch longer (that is, as long as you are careful with that razor!)

One non-surgical method involves buying a mechanical device to put on your dick.  Permanent penis lengtheners work by continuously stretching the soft muscle that makes up the cock.  They can be worn during normal activities, they allow for urination, and they adjust to allow for erections.  There are two different models, one involving a pewter ring that encircles the shaft and one involving a silicone holder attached to two metal bars.  Another non-surgical method requires no genital hardware.  Hypnosis programs use subliminal audio tapes to assist clients in re-contouring parts of their bodies, most famously women increasing their breast size by at least 2 1/4 inches (one cup size).  The process is the same for women and men: learning to tap into the power of the unconscious mind to modify one's physical appearance.  Do a quick Web search to learn more about penis enlargement through hypnotherapy.  Best wishes for a bigger basket!