Dear Bearded Confidant,

Gotta question. I am always impressed, turned on, and generally amazed at the quantity of cum some guys can shoot. Is there a diet, supplement, or regime that one can follow to increase his cream load?

Dear Vesuvius,

It is indeed possible to pump put more manmilk with each ejaculation. To begin with, you will need to clean up your eating and drinking habits. Eating no meat and avoiding alcohol keeps the system clean and helps your body to make more and better-tasting (less bitter) cum. You should also stay very, very hydrated, drinking lots of water and juice during the day and then downing another glass full just before you start to fuck. The extra hydration tells your body that it can spare more fluids for semen production. Pineapple/banana juice happens to produce the sweetest tasting semen. If you know you are going to have sex in the evening, spend as much of the day as you can enjoying erotic imagery, whether it be porn magazines, internet galleries, X-rated movies, or just your horny imagination. When you view hot images of naked men, your eye tells your brain to tell your sex organs to start getting ready to fuck. The longer you send those signals, the more semen your body will produce in preparation. When you fool around, start by massaging your balls with some sesame oil for several minutes (or have your man massage your balls). That oil has a mild warming quality, which gets your masculine organs into gear. As you stroke your hard cock or get sucked by your man, hold off on cumming for as long as you can so that your balls can keep churning up the spunk. Massaging between your balls and asshole while you stroke off stimulates your prostate and makes more cum. The same works if you finger-fuck your ass and massage your prostate that way. If you reach between your legs and use your fingers to keep a steady pressure between your balls and anus, your precum won't leak out, and it'll all squirt out when you pump your cream. That technique alone sometimes doubles the quantity of the fuckloa—the first shot or two is pure precum, and it tends to shoot farther because it's thinner. If you like to watch porn movies, look carefully and you'll notice different porn stars doing the same thing as they do a solo jerkoff to make themselves shoot more. I once saw a porn film that had a wonderful example of this technique, in which the young stud sprays jizz past his head and all over his face and torso. You will also pump more jizz if you wait two or more days between orgasms, since your body will have more time to store it up. But don't wait too long between orgasms, of your body will start to reabsorb the semen you produce or discharge the excess in a wet dream.