Dear Bearded Confidant,

When I fantasise about men (my ideal, being muscular, athletic, Tarzan-like), I want to make love, not have sex - that is - immediately! I am very much a romantic, cuddler, kissing, wrestling, playing man. In other words, very much into foreplay.

The saying goes: "Men have sex - women make love". I am someone who feels very feminine when I am fantasising. I also, even, image-myself wearing feminised men's clothes - not drag, or total women's wear - what I like to call "Femme-men's wear". Just enough to be cute and exciting. All my life I've aspired to be masculine, "butch", if you like, yet I don't want to feel I am betraying my own masculinity. "Wham! Bam! Thank you Ma'am! sex is, pardon the pun, boring. How to find similar men, without being "bored" senseless?

Dear Razzeray,

The really good news is that your particular set of preferences isn't as rare as you might think -- there are so many guys out there into snuggling and cute clothes, who see beyond the fleeting pleasures of ejaculation and can enjoy hours of sensual foreplay.  The best way to quickly locate other men who share your sensibilities will be to very carefully broadcast your overall "wavelength" via a page you set up on (preferably) Tumblr.  You'll need to post and -- especially -- repost images specific to your aesthetic.  (I'll explain the importance of reposting in a moment.)  You mentioned your Tarzan-like ideal, and I suggest that you make Tarzan your mascot.  Search Tumblr for Tarzan pictures and repost what you find, every single day.  Every time you repost someone else's image on Tumblr, the original poster will be alerted, so fellow Tarzan-lovers will suddenly have a link to your page.  In between Tarzan pictures, repost photos you find that depict or otherwise communicate your other passions: manly cuddling, gay kissing, erotic wrestling, homosexual romance, and men wearing cute/femme clothing.  Seen all together on your Tumblr page, these images will paint a very distinct portrait of where you're coming from and what you're looking for.  Like-minded guys are going to connect with you via all the repostings you'll do on a daily basis.  And it's crucial that you work on broadcasting and building your ever-expanding self-portrait on a daily basis.  Tumblr's keyword search function is poor (to put it mildly), so be patient and try every possible word combination you can think of as you search for photos of your various interests.  I just tried searching Tumblr for "homosexual cuddling," with zero results, but "gay cuddling" worked.  Don't let yourself get discouraged with key words -- you know that any scenario you can think of is "out there," so it's just a game of figuring out how other guys might have tagged their pictures.  By the way, my search for "gay cuddling" brought up a guy who posted this sentence: "Today I learned that wrestling is like cuddling only with adrenaline."  If that sort of guy sounded like a possible friend to you, you'd visit his Tumblr page, verify that his posts resonate with you, and contact him (most Tumblr pages have an "Ask Me" button, allowing direct communication.)  Anyway, building your Tarzan's Treehouse of your passions will be loads of fun, with the nearly instant benefit of putting you in touch with like-minded men.