Dear Bearded Confidant,

I enjoy showing on cam and taking orders from guys on these cam sites. They usually want me to shove something up my ass and I'm happy to comply. I'm not really into dildos so I normally improvise with whatever is to hand. Recently I surprised even myself, when I used the sponge casing from the handle of some exercise equipment! It was the perfect "dildo" and the guy on cam was delighted ... the only thing is that the handle is 20 inches long and the guy kept telling me to take more ... and more ... and more. So I guess I got caught up in the moment and before I knew it, I had almost all of it inside me! So, my question is; is it ok to have something so deep inside my ass (almost 20 inches)? I enjoyed the experience, it was intense but I wasn't in pain.

Dear Mysterious,

You raise a really interesting issue, Mysterious, about how and why men test their boundaries. Our motivational/inspirational culture of personal growth constantly encourages us to go the extra mile (or inch, as it were). We've all heard advice like this: "When you push your limits, you find out what you are actually capable of. Usually it is much more than you had previously believed." Or, even sexier-sounding: "When you push your limits hard, the payoff is big." But how much of this philosophy do we take literally? How much does a man have to shove up his ass to prove that he's a ravenous and accommodating bottom?

Stretching boundaries always leads to results -- but what exactly those results entail will vary from individual to individual. Too big a sex toy will lead to physical trauma, absolutely. Whether the trauma will be a minor irritation or will require hospitalization depends upon many factors: the size and texture of the toy, the way the toy is used, the diameter of the man's sphincter, and so on. Part (or most?) of the fun of taking risks is facing danger. If one is willing to accept the consequences, there's nothing in the world one can't try to shove up one's ass.

Would your bearded confidant take on an object 20 inches long? No -- that's not a risk I feel the urge to face, not even on a dare. Sure, dares can be exciting, and enthusiastic encouragement can be motivating, but a man shouldn't have to prove anything to himself or to others. The fact that you're questioning the use of a giant sex toy, Mysterious, is a clue that it's not right for you.