Dear Bearded Confidant,

Lately I haven't had much fun jackin off.  I reach orgasm but it isn't as good as it usually is.  Do you have any tips?  I am open to anything.  Anything to make my cock happy.

Dear Homeboy,

Most men have a cock, a fuck-hole, and two hands, so why not keep them all busy? Anal stimulation is an excellent way to spice up your jerk-off sessions and expand your sexual experiences. While you stroke your cock with one hand, use the other to slowly apply lube to your ass. Water-based lubes tend to be good for this purpose. As your ass relaxes, you'll be able to shove your finger deeper and deeper, and you may even be inspired to try two fingers. You'll quickly discover the location of your prostate (behind the base of your cock), and sliding your finger in and out will greatly intensify your orgasm. It's bitchin' to cum with your finger inside you because you'll feel your prostate contract with each squirt of man-jizz, and your ass will squeeze your finger tightly. Anal stimulation can be so powerful that you may even have an orgasm without touching your cock.

Once you get used to finger-fucking yourself, you might be interested in experimenting with butt-plugs or dildos. If you're uncomfortable buying sex toys, try playing with some raw vegetables. Vegetables are recommended because, unlike plastic or metal objects, they tend to bend a little, and for that reason they're more like having a real cock inside you. You may have noticed that when a carrot has been in the refrigerator for a while it tends to get soft and flexible without becoming mushy. It's best to start with a bendable veggie like that. Cucumbers are also recommended for their ultra-slick skin and pliability, and if peeled then their high moisture content helps keep them slick and comfortable. Carrots are particularly good because they usually get thicker as they go up, allowing you to handle more and more in a gradual way. Some guys also have fun with plastic bottles (shampoo bottles, for example) because they can be filled with warm water and then inserted for an extra-sensory experience.

Of course, a man should never stick anything up his ass that he might not be able to pull out, and never force anything that doesn't slide in easily and comfortably. Also, always check the surface of the object to make sure it is perfectly smooth--you wouldn't want to irritate the sensitive skin in and around your anus.