Dear Bearded Confidant,

Am I bad or what?  I have always tried to be kind and mindfull to all who have wanted to have sex with me, but what can you do when the sexual advances of unwanted others do not respect this fact?

Dear Sam,

Because men in general think about sex so much during the day, many gay men assume that other men are ready and willing to fuck around anytime, anywhere. Promiscuity is essentially hardwired in a man's nature. From a biological standpoint, men produce a lot of sperm cells and feel an imperative to spread them around (which of course is the origin of the expression "sowing your wild oats"). It sounds as though you have generally respected this tendency in your fellow men. They inevitably make advances, and you try to be a good sport and be as accommodating as possible. But when guys disrespect your personal space and expect you to put out even when you aren't horny, they are crossing a line. I suggest that you take a strong stand in these cases. Be upfront and honest with these men. Tell them that it's nothing personal but that you aren't horny at the moment. Tell them that they are coming on too strong and that you need a little more space. If they can't respect your own sexual needs, then you probably don't need to be hanging around them anymore. Your sexuality is a precious gift to be shared only in circumstances that you deem to be appropriate. Other men can either accept that or go fuck themselves.