Dear Bearded Confidant,

I think my partner loves my hairy chest more than he loves me.  When I come home from work, he unbuttons my shirt and licks my chest before he kisses me hello.  When he sucks my cock, he always pulls my dick out of his mouth just as I start to cum so that I shoot on my chest, just so he can lick my sticky fur clean.  He always falls asleep with his head on my bare chest, and sometimes as we lie in bed he's so distracted with swirling his fingers though the hairs that he doesn't hear me talking to him.  Sitting at parties, he's always accidentally dropping chips or pretzels down my shirt as an excuse to unbutton me and show off my fuzzy chest in public.  I'm beginning to think that he'd be just as happy in a relationship with a new mink coat.  I like the fact that he finds my body attractive, and he definitely makes me feel very masculine, but I wish he'd think to kiss my lips, let me cum in his mouth, and lovingly gaze into my eyes now and then.  What's your take on my situation?

Dear Shaggy,

Hair on a man's chest is a sign of masculine virility, but it also symbolizes the softer, snuggly side of manhood. The chest, of course, is where a man's heart is located. Your partner seems to be communicating that he is drawn to your softer, gentler nature, and he wants to bask in the love energy emanating from your heart. However, he should be aware of your needs, too. You might consider shaving your chest and growing a beard at the same time. The facial hair might draw your lover's attention up from your chest, and you might actually look each other in the eye as you kiss. If he throws a fit about your shaved chest, tell him that you were feeling jealous but assure him that the fur will grow back in more abundance! And while it grows, you'll have the time and opportunity to find out if your partner really cares about the man beneath the fuzz or whether he'd be better off with a bearskin rug as a parting gift.