“Getting Hard Too Easily”
Dear Bearded Confidant,
I am 19 years old. I enjoy being in situations where other guys are undressing such as in locker rooms and stuff, but I get a hardon way too easily and the last thing I want to do is get hard in front of a bunch of straight guys. Also when I'm playing around with other people in nonsexual ways if we get too close I get a hard on and I have to stop before they notice. Am I just always horny? How can I keep from getting hard so easily?
You asked if you are just always horny, and the answer is probably yes. You sound like a healthy man with plenty of masculine virility, and frequent throbbing erections are an inevitable symptom of your manliness. Your increased horniness around other men actually happens for a scientific reason. When several men are in close proximity, their sexual energy affects one another (no matter if the men are straight, gay, or bi). The same happens with groups of women, whose menstrual periods all synchronize when they are together for a while. The human body emits a measurable electromagnetic field, and sexual energy (which we experience as horniness) is broadcast like a beam of light from a man's crotch. When you come into contact with the energy of a horny man, your own sexual energy gets fired up. (It's the same phenomenon that nude sunbathers experience—the light energy from the sun activates the electromagnetic field around the crotch, leading to an erection). So when men are together, their masculine sexual energy spreads like wildfire. In the worst cases, this shared sexual fire goes into a rampage and leads to things like gang rape. In the best cases, the men simply end up together in a circle jerk. So in your case, your body is responding naturally to a sex vibe that exists in the locker room... a place which is normally full of all sorts of masculine hormones exuded through sweat, not to mention naked flesh. Getting a hardon is virtually inevitable, and you certainly aren't the only man getting one. Some men's cocks point downward when they get hard, so their erections aren't as noticeable (they just look really well hung). Men whose cocks point toward the ceiling when they get erect have a harder time hiding the fact.
If you feel embarrassed about your erections in the locker room, here's what I would do. First of all, jerk off before any situations where you might be around other men, just to reduce the sexual tension in your body. If you are feeling too horny while in the locker room, and if you can spare 5 minutes, go to a toilet stall and beat off in hopes of losing your erection at least temporarily. When you are changing clothes in the locker room, don't strip down all at once. Start with your pants but leave your shirt on, so that if you start getting hard your shirt can help hide your erection while you stall around or shift positions. Consciously try to think of the most non-sexual things you can imagine. Some men concentrate on images of school buses or old hags. In the locker room showers, there's not much hope of hiding a hardon. Do NOT rub soap on your cock, balls, ass, or tits in the shower, or you will end up with the biggest boner of your life. Just lather up your hair and armpits (unless your armpits are major erogenous zones for you) and get out as fast as you can.
However, you might also want to start working on your comfort level around other men. Your hardons are perfectly natural, and ultimately you should feel comfortable being your normal self (whether hard or soft) around your fellow men. You also mentioned getting hard while wrestling around with guys in a non-sexual way. For that, I recommend wearing a very tight jock strap to help contain your cock when it starts to grow. In no case do I recommend limiting or decreasing your contact with other men. The more time you spend with men, the more comfortable and natural you'll feel, and your erections will probably calm down on their own eventually. But jerk off more in any case.