“Getting a Cashier's Money Shot”
Dear Bearded Confidant,
I have a clerk that works at the local Stop and Go. He is hot. Extremely hairy with large dark sexy eyes. He is married. When I stop in and there are no customers he is extremely friendly and talks a lot. If there are customers he is just business. I would like to find out if he might be bi and interested. What do I do?
You're in a great position! Cashiers at mini marts are easy to get a feel for, even before you cop a feel. First, always be sure to linger in the aisles until no other customers are at the counter. That will help to ensure an uninterrupted encounter. When you're ready to chat up your man, present several intriguing and erotically-charged items for him to ring up. Check the periodicals section for a gay magazine (even though a lot of gay magazines are going out of business in this age of online porn, in the worst case you'll surely find a men's fitness rag with a shirtless hunk on the cover). Check the toiletries aisle for condoms, lotion, and a box of tissues. Pick up some chocolate sauce, cherries, or whipped cream in the food aisle. Don't forget the automotive section, with its little mirrors, gloves, and accessories. In other words, look for a series of items that, when grouped and presented as a whole, will spell k-i-n-k-y. (Note, however, that in this particular case you'll want to avoid buying razors. Since this guy is super hairy, you don't want to subliminally leave the impression that you prefer smooth skin.) Then, as your man is ringing up your order, make sure he can't miss the sexual overtones of your purchase by saying something like, "You must be wondering why I'm getting both an automotive polishing mitt and a jar of cake sprinkles." No need to specifically answer your man's unspoken questions, other than to add that you're on your own tonight and are going to have some fun. If your man has a wild streak, he'll now know that you're hot, imaginative, and available. He just might bite!