Dear Bearded Confidant,

Whenever I swallow my partner's cum, approximately 30 minutes later I get E.D. (Explosive Diarrhea).  This happens every time.  With other partners, this never happened.  Why does my body react to his cum the way it does?

Dear Explosive,

If this problem never happened when you sucked other men's cum, then you probably aren't allergic to semen. I suspect one of two possibilities: either your man has some sort of disease that your body is responding to, or you are dealing with a psychological issue (in other words, something about this relationship is making you sick, and you literally can't take it in). In either case, I recommend that both you seek the advice of both a medical doctor and a sex counselor. The situation just isn't normal, and you need to investigate the root cause.