“Fuck Buddy Can't Decide if He Wants a Relationship”
Dear Bearded Confidant,
I'm really confused and I need your help. I'm 19 years old and I really like this guy and he's told me that he likes me. Oh by the way he's 19 also. Well, we started going out when we both told each other that and we even fooled around. But after that he said he wasn't sure what he wanted right now, and he just wanted to be friends. I was hurt but I excepted it, I then started to date this other guy but nothing serious though, when I told my friend he told me that he was jealous and still has feelings for me. Shortly after that, he invited me to stay over his house and I did, we just started talking about things and listening to music. Then he just suddenly got up, came over to me and started kissing me. We fooled around again that night and we just held each other all night. In the morning, I asked him where we stand. Are we going out, friends, what? He just said I don't know, and just ignored the whole subject matter. Now when we talk, he talks to me as if we're still just friends and nothing happened. I don't know what to do, I like this guy a lot and I'm confused, there so many things that I'm thinking, does he want me for sex, companionship? It's pretty clear to me that he likes me but, I don't know what to do now can you help me? Thank you...
Dear Cloudily Confused,
Your friend is feeling conflicted about his sexual attractions. He is not ready to have a real boyfriend, because his feelings of guilt or shame or ambivalence kick in. My advice is to forget him as a sexual partner and just be friends. If he wants to have sex, tell him that you don't like the way he acts afterwards and that you are looking for an intimate companion in addition to just an occasional sex partner. If your friend can't handle that, you both need to move on.