“Feminine Guys Wanting to be More Masculine”
Dear Bearded Confidant,
I am a really feminine guy. I don't get along with guys at all. I am really active and join sports team in schools, but I am always left out. I have a lot of female friends. I get how females think, but I don't get how guys think. I enjoy doing female's stuff. In the school I go to, people are really homophobic, just like every other school. People think that every gay guy is feminine, and they make fun of it (cuz they're a bunch of wusses). What is wrong if a guy acts feminine? I didn't become a guy cuz I wanted to. People think feminine guys are wimpy, but that is not true. I like martial arts a lot. I really don't want people to think I'm gay, cuz I will be persecuted a lot. The school I go to is a really small school, and it is really pathetic. If somebody died a hair, it is a big news. I'm not scared of them, cuz they are just some wimpy guys, but I don't want to go through all the trouble. Is there any way for me to act masculine? I don't know how to act "masucline" at all. Thank you.
Dear Feminine Guy,
The beautiful thing about people is that they can exhibit a range of diverse traits. Every person has a combination of masculine and feminine qualities. Ironically, the most masculine of men--the macho, hairy, muscular, leather and chain type dudes--tend to be the gayest of all. Your personality may be more on what is commonly perceived as the feminine end of the spectrum. Of course, that has nothing to do with your "manhood." Do you have a penis? Then you are biologically and legally a man. Do your friends persecute people for their balance of masculine and feminine traits? Then you need to ditch those losers. Your options for making friends may be slightly limited while you are in school. But all too soon you will have broader horizons. You need to find your true tribe--people who do not discriminate, people who like you as you are (however that may be, and keep in mind that anybody can evolve and grow over time). You are correct that the real wimps are those who are prejudiced. Can you help prejudiced people to see the light? Maybe... but for now I'd just forget the ignorant masses. If it means being more of a loner for now, so be it. No one is worth changing your true self over. I don't want you to be persecuted, so I'd recommend that you try to fit in with the crowd as best as you can while you are in school. If the other guys don't want you on their team, that's their loss. You'll go on with your life and they will be forgotten ancient history in no time.