Dear Bearded Confidant,

When my boyfriend and I wake up every morning, we both have hard-ons, are naked, and are horny, but we never fool around at that time.  Who wants to deep kiss when your mouth isn't fresh, and who wants wrestle around when your bladder is full?  How can we start our day with some sexy fun without being uncomfortable?

Dear Morning Erection,

How does that coffee jingle go?  "The best part of waking up is fingers in your cup?"  Don't let a full bladder and sour mouth keep you from starting your day in the best possible way: getting your rocks off with your stud.  A full bladder can actually intensify the sensations of orgasm, but you've got to be in the right position.  Jumping on top of your man and straddling his crotch might make him feel like throwing you off rather than fucking you.  A 69 position is better, with each of you lying on your side.  That eases some bladder pressure and naturally avoids the union of two sour mouths.  Or start off by cuddling in a spoon position (your man facing away from you, on his side with knees bent, and you tight behind him).  This position allows you to fit your throbbing cock into that warm and snug space between his buttocks (no, not his asshole you horny fuck—hold onto your studcream and just place your shaft between his buttocks).  As you press closer and closer into him (this is a reflex no man can avoid, so give in to it) reach an arm around and start rubbing on his chest.  In approximately five seconds, he'll be fantasizing about quitting his job and spending the rest of his life fucking you.  You can run your hand down his chest until it reaches the wet tip of his dick and jack him off like that, all the while nibbling on his ear and stimulating your own cock between his fuzzy ass cheeks. Instead of deep kissing, consider getting face to face by playing a game of "Friction," in which you test each other's machismo by rubbing your scratchy stubbled chins together until one of you cries uncle.  Even if you don't shoot off in bed, sex play like I have described will keep you both horny enough to make it to the shower with raging hardons, and you can relieve those full bladders on each other and then get to work draining those aching balls.