Dear Bearded Confidant,

I cannot seem to get enemas right.  I use the usual rubber bottle, hose and warm water — no soap.  I douche several times to get really clean.  But I can never expel all of the water.  For an hour or so afterwards, I either leak — what a pain — or take repeated trips to the john to force out more water.  And this water is not clean!  Hey, I want to give a guy a clean ass but I just can't get everything I put inside to come out.  Any advice?

Dear Waterlogged,

What you are describing should not happen with enemas that are properly carried out.  I recommend that you see a doctor to go over what you are doing and how to do it better.  You might also consider buying an over the counter, one-time use, disposable Fleet enema which will have a special saline solution and explicit instructions for proper use.  At the same time, I also want to suggest that an enema is not 100% required to give your man a clean ass.  Try to arrange to have a bowel movement before a sexual encounter (try fast-acting suppositories), then take a shower and lather up your ass (gently probing your anus with soapy fingers). This will make you clean enough for rimming, and in my experience this will also make you clean enough for buttfucking.