Dear Bearded Confidant,

I love your advice and hope that you are able to help me with m problem. I have finally come to accepting that I'm gay. It has taken quite a while, but I have only told one person close to me of my sexual orientation. The problem is that I have many great straight friends that have what seems to be a large case of homophobia. They constantly make jokes. That is why I have not told any of them. I am very straight acting so I go along with them. I have become particularly good friends with one of them, and he has helped through some rough times. I'm at the point were I feel the need to let him know that I am gay, but I'm terrified that our friendship will be ruined, and he won't ever trust me again. I don't want to lose his friendship so I'm torn between being truthful to him and losing his friendship or to continue to hide it and lying. Which way should I go?

Dear Lost,

If your straight friends are truly homophobic, then they aren't all that "great" to begin with.  However, they may merely be ignorant about homosexuality.  Sometimes putting a face to a label helps to dispel the label, so if you come out to them then they will know that all gay men don't fit into their narrow prejudice.  If your friends will stop liking you if they know you what you do with your dick in private, then you should definitely find a new set of friends.  On the one hand, it's nobody's business what you do with your dick in private, but on the other hand, it's nearly impossible for relationship issues and questions not to come up between close friends.  A good friend is truthful with those he cares about. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt.  Be true to yourself and to them.  If they can't stand the real you, you need to know that now so that you can stop wasting your time around them.