Dear Bearded Confidant,

I grew up in Topeka, Kansas almost 60 years ago.  My first sexual experience was with two school friends.  We fucked on a regular basis until one moved away.  The other friend and I continued a relationship for several years until my family and I moved away.  Because I was young and didn't know any better we did not keep in touch.  I believe I have found my early partner's address on the Internet.  I would like to find out how his life turned out, what he made of himself, is he gay or straight, who he turned out to be.  Is this  good idea?  Can you recommend a method?

Dear Not in Kansas,

By all means try to get in contact with your childhood boyfriend, but try to keep two points in mind: (1) it's best to free yourself of any expectations about the outcome, and (2) just as you have grown and changed over the years, it's best not to hold others to the past.  In other words, there is a possibility that your friend may have "outgrown" his youthful exploits with other guys, now concentrating his sexual activities exclusively on women.  He may not even remember his past homosexual activity, perhaps through a sort of selective amnesia which protects him from thinking about his ambiguous sexuality.  If confronted about his previous behavior, he may deny ever having fucked around with another guy.  Of course, there is also the possibility that he will have very fond memories of his intimate time with you, both as a friend and as a fuckbuddy.  In either case, keep in mind that no two people ever have exactly the same experience, because every man sees life with his own set of eyes and interprets his experiences within the framework of his own set of experiences.  Your fond memories of your childhood friend are legitimate and valid for you, but remember that he might have his own set of memories.  (That is not to imply that his set of memories will be negative, only that they are likely to be different.)  Because your memories are no doubt tied to deep emotions, freeing yourself of expectations about the outcome might be a bit of a challenge at first.  Focus your mind on the fact that your friend's life may have taken wild turns you could never imagine, so there's no need to second-guess it.  Free of expectations, you can contact him empowered by the field of all possibilities.  Send him an e-mail in which you identify yourself, state that you think he might be someone you knew in childhood back in Topeka, and ask him to respond if so or otherwise pardon your mistake.  If the e-mail address indeed belongs to your friend and he feels comfortable communicating with you, he'll write back.  Then, during the course of casual catching-up, you will learn where his life has taken him and how he feels about his past relationship with you.  Take it from there and have fun!

By the way, I can recommend a fascinating film about school-age sex-buddies who drifted apart and then unexpectedly reunite.  It's called Chuck & Buck, directed by Miguel Arteta and released by Artisan Entertainment/Lion's Gate.