“Catching Up With a Former Suck-buddy”
Dear Bearded Confidant,
Great advice, man — hope you have an idea for me. Back when we were 16 or so, my best friend and I became jackoff buddies, and shortly thereafter, I started sucking his dick. All in all, it happened maybe ten times. He never reciprocated. At the time, we were both claiming to be straight — jerking off together under the guise of a stupid card game that involved dares — so he constantly begged off, and I'd finish myself off.
The fact that your friend made a point of mentioning your past sexual activities means that he has been thinking about them as well. If he was truly afraid or threatened by the fact that you might be gay, he wouldn't have contacted you again. My take on the situation is that he enjoyed those times he spent with you and wouldn't mind fooling around with you again, but that he is still a bit conflicted about his own sexuality. He doesn't realize that two men can enjoy each other's masculinity and not worry about labeling themselves. I'm sorry that you lied about having a female fuck friend. The fact of the matter is, if your friend has a problem with what you do with your dick, he's not someone you will want to associate with. No, you are not pathetic. You may be horny and excited about reviving a past experience that was pleasurable, but that's natural. Sucking off a man without reciprocation is not in itself shallow or desperate (though getting the guy drunk first would be desperate, not to mention selfish, unfair, and indeed a form of rape). Not all sex acts require both partners to have an orgasm, and as you know, giving head can be just as incredible as getting head. So it's not as issue of whether or not your friend would reciprocate. It's an issue of whether he is mature and comfortable enough with himself and with you to enjoy some intimate time together without hangups. You'll have to judge that for yourself when you two are together. Ultimately, you'll have the best sex when both parties are happy to be together, neither pretending to be anything.