Dear Bearded Confidant,

Great advice, man — hope you have an idea for me. Back when we were 16 or so, my best friend and I became jackoff buddies, and shortly thereafter, I started sucking his dick. All in all, it happened maybe ten times. He never reciprocated. At the time, we were both claiming to be straight — jerking off together under the guise of a stupid card game that involved dares — so he constantly begged off, and I'd finish myself off.

We stopped speaking about four years ago, and part of the reason for that was an argument we had about our sexual activity. He was single (a rare occurence) and I'd asked to have one last experience while he didn't have a girlfriend. He was very firm about it, he was straight, that was that. No more.

Well he moved away after our fight, and I didn't hear from him since, until last week. He's coming to town for a week, and wanted to drop by to say hi. My mind started working overtime and I hastily invited him to stay the week in my apartment, to which he agreed. I was nervous on the phone, about mentioning what we used to do — after all, as far as he knows to this day, we were and ARE both straight. Then out of the blue, he says, "Man, we did some crazy shit back in the day. And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." He went on to ask if I "turned gay on him" and how many women I've been with. Worried that he might not stay with me, I lied and said I have a regular female fuck friend, but that right now I'd have sex with "anybody." I was testing the waters, it was as close as I'd get to admitting to him I'm gay.

Well, obviously, the question is: should I try to get him into bed while he's here? I would have to say he had the most beautiful cock I've seen, and I'd love to go down on him again. Another friend suggested getting him drunk and offering to suck him off. But I feel shallow and pathetic. So pathetic, in fact, that I'd blow him without asking him to do anything in return. So what do I do? Forget about it? Or if I go for it, how???

Dear Waiting,

The fact that your friend made a point of mentioning your past sexual activities means that he has been thinking about them as well. If he was truly afraid or threatened by the fact that you might be gay, he wouldn't have contacted you again. My take on the situation is that he enjoyed those times he spent with you and wouldn't mind fooling around with you again, but that he is still a bit conflicted about his own sexuality. He doesn't realize that two men can enjoy each other's masculinity and not worry about labeling themselves. I'm sorry that you lied about having a female fuck friend. The fact of the matter is, if your friend has a problem with what you do with your dick, he's not someone you will want to associate with. No, you are not pathetic. You may be horny and excited about reviving a past experience that was pleasurable, but that's natural. Sucking off a man without reciprocation is not in itself shallow or desperate (though getting the guy drunk first would be desperate, not to mention selfish, unfair, and indeed a form of rape). Not all sex acts require both partners to have an orgasm, and as you know, giving head can be just as incredible as getting head. So it's not as issue of whether or not your friend would reciprocate. It's an issue of whether he is mature and comfortable enough with himself and with you to enjoy some intimate time together without hangups. You'll have to judge that for yourself when you two are together. Ultimately, you'll have the best sex when both parties are happy to be together, neither pretending to be anything.