Dear Bearded Confidant,

I have this really hot school buddy, and ever since we met I have thought of doing stuff with him. He was once rumored to be gay, and some people say he really is. Well the thing is I am not sure. I keep on giving signals to him but I think they are kinda weak.

I saw one opportunity when he invited me over to have a drinking session at his house. We drank up two big bottles of beer and next thing I remember we were sleeping right on the floor. I woke up and found him topless.  Then he moved to the mattress, and I followed. Thinking he was drunk and sleeping I started touching his naked back and his waist.  He didn't wake up (though he made few trips to the bathroom). After a while of rubbing down my hands on his back, I felt his firm ass.  He didn't startle even when I softly touched his ass crack. Though he was wearing shorts, I don't think he was wearing undies.

After that night we hadn't had any communication, until today when he sent me a text message. Everything seemed fine, and when I mentioned our drinking session, I don't think he remembers what I did to him. He even invited me to another one.

I don't know whether I should assume that he is fine with what happened or he just didn't know because he was drunk. But he told me during our exchange of text messages that he wasn't that drunk that night.

What should I do? Should I continue giving off signals? Was he into the things I did or was he just clueless? Should I do it again the next time I get him drunk?

Please help, I really love to do it with this buddy of mine.

Dear buddy in heat,

Drowsy Fondling from Longboard by Falcon
"Longboard" (Falcon) More from this set »
As you mentioned your buddy getting up several times to go to the bathroom during your tender caresses, I doubt he was asleep or even very drunk.  What's more likely is that he is unsure of his feelings, open to masculine intimacy, but (for the moment at least) unwilling to make a move of his own.  His admission that he wasn't very drunk sounds like a signal that he is aware of what happened and didn't officially mind it.

My advice is this: Keep this level of intimacy at the same level.  Don't hurry into anything bolder than gentle caressing.  Allow your buddy to respond to your touch on his own.  Allow him to return some caresses.  But since he's shy about his feelings, don't force the issue or you'll risk losing the friendship.

To paraphrase the marvelous novel The Solitudes by John Crowley: There is no joy like the joy of finding yourself freely chosen by the object of your desire—no joy even remotely like it.  The astonished gratification of it, the sudden certainty, as though a hawk had chosen to fall out of the sky and settle on your wrist, still wild, still free, but yours.  Who would, who could compel that?  The closed hearts of callboys, the glum faces of last-chance pickups.  Drunk enough, you can pretend for an hour or a night.  But.

But there's better than drunken encounters.  Give your buddy the chance to reciprocate your desire.  He knows your feelings already, and he's likely thrilling to that knowledge.  The ball (and balls) are in his court.