Dear Bearded Confidant,

This is kind of embarrassing, but it needs to be answered!  I have a problem with some skin blemishes in the "sensitive areas." First of all, I have two 'pimples' on my butt, one on the same spot on each cheek. These hurt when I sit down, and occassionally go away, but seem to return.  They look like pimples, but don't go away nearly as easily. Second, I have several small pink spots on my thighs that look like dysfunctional hair follicles; it seems as though hair should grow from one, but doesn't.  They don't hurt, they're just kind of ugly and unhealthy looking.  What are all these blemishes?  And more importantly, how the hell do I get rid of them?

Dear UglyButt,

The problems you describe may very well have to do with ingrown hairs. When hairs grow in a curlicue fashion, they can cause long-term skin irritation and bumps. I suggest consulting with a dermatologist. No need for embarrassment, as a lot of guys suffer from this condition.