Dear Bearded Confidant,
Hi bearded confidant! I've found great help in your advice. Now I'd like to ask about possible harmful effects of enjoying pornography. I've enjoyed gay sex pics and movies for as long as I first started to have my first ejaculations as a teenager. Now I'm 24 and started having my first masculine relationships, this summer actually - I don't regret having given myself the time to grow in to my masculine desires. I've found lovely people who I want to be with, to share erotic intimacy and I've fooled with a couple of guys - and finally been fucked, the thing I've desired the most. But the difficulty, I've found, is staying hard during the business and to ejaculate. At the first kiss with my partner my crotch electrifies immediately, but as we go on the electricity tends to fade, which I believe is of course natural. I love fellatio, especially giving one, but I cannot concentrate on both giving a bj and maintaining an erection at the same time! And keeping an erection while getting head is hard, as if I'm not sensitive to getting sucked. I've had sex a few times now, but have failed to ejaculate even once. Even masturbating with a partner is impossible as I tend to get and stay soft. But nothing like this mostly ever happen when I masturbate while watching porn.
There's a possibility that a medication I currently have might interfere with ejaculation (luckily it stops during this autumn), but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm too conditioned to how I reach climax through visual pornography - I hope you see what I mean. I once jerked in the shower, seeing myself with my man groping and kissing me and I was so close to a climax. A solution might be that I train myself to masturbate completely without porn or I try to have sex experience with partners that have the patience for my lack of ejaculations. It is hard to convince that I enjoy sex if I can't ejaculate. This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the intimate eroticity, sex or the men I'm with, I just don't climax like they do. I'd apreciate any opinions you might have.
My humble thanks!
Dear Duncan,
• Don't masturbate for a day or two before a date, so as to keep your libido fully charged and desperate for release.
• Notice what does make you hard and keep that action going. If the first kiss is arousing, try locking those lips together while you fuck. If pornography tends to make you horny, ask your buddy to play a hardcore movie while you go at it.
• Be realistic about normal sexual functioning. Losing an erection during mansex isn't a disaster. It's simply a signal to stimulate another erogenous zone. If you go soft while getting sucked, encourage your man to suck on your tits or armpits or balls or toes or wherever else might feel good. You just might find the secret button for turning on that cock again. Being over-anxious about your erection will lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• Consider that you might not be hooking up with exactly the right sort of guys. It's possible that your body is telling you that the man you're with isn't a big enough turn-on.
• Try hypnosis to boost your self-esteem and confidence levels.
• As a last resort, consider trying erection-enhancing supplements like Viagra or book an appointment with a sex therapist.
